when your teenager is unkind, unpleasant, sarcastic, rebellious, even belligerent
or totally self-focused - Why do they do that?
somewhere along the line, someone – even
you - has failed to administer or deliver the consequences for crappy behaviors.
They “got away with it” – sometimes multiple times.
do they do that?
they're crying out inside.
inside their head, there’s turmoil, pain, inadequacy, poor or weak self-esteem.
the cause is so undiscernible, they're trying to reach out and accuse everybody
and everything for it and you're their primary target.
the big question becomes - what will you and can you do?
are some options to seriously consider - even if they’re painful and extremely
lost control, it’s been coming for
some time. It didn’t happen
overnight, and won’ fix it overnight.
give them what they want – usually an emotional reply from you. Reply in a quiet, unemotional manner.
them why they’d speak to you that way - quiet, unemotional.
reward the behavior by complying with their request
one or more options – either reducing their request or delaying it, or even rejecting
it completely – again – WITHOUT EMOTION.
emphatically, strongly, without emotion.
hour or more or even day or more, come back and – gently re-surface the request
or the way in which it was said.
be afraid to allow the consequences of their [bad] choices occur. Learning is IMPERATIVE – help it or allow it
sermonizing, when you see/ hear pleasant replies or actions, compliment them,
the time is right [could be days or more], discuss [dialogue, not monologue] – (o)
why they reacted or replied like that, (o) how it made you feel, (o) how it
made them look, and that, (o) in the future, “there’s a better way.”
STAY CALM, PERSISTENT, PATIENT, LOVING.
Two of the most powerful elements
of success for your teenager are time management and visualizing success. Below are links for those two learning
modules from Launch-Your-Life, teen success coaching - No strings, no charges,
no shipping and handling.
here for one reason only: to assist you in strengthening your teen’s success.
It’s our only purpose.
you can SEE it, it’s far more motivating!!
My doctor told me I should ice-pack my knees every night, to lessen the pain. I asked “every night?,” to which he replied “do you use them every day?” [obviously, YES!]
Almost the same thing goes on with your teenager: unless they’re perfect [ 😁], your teen ‘needs’ continuing development EVERY DAY.
Does it get boring for them [or you!]? Yes – but it’s a lot like self-discipline – if you let it slip, you’ll soon be lethargic and uncomfortable, etc.
Whether it’s attitude, academics, self-motivation, whatever it is RIGHT NOW that needs to strengthen – strive to NOTICE, encourage, and support their “mini-advances” each day.
Make it positive! Research shows that a negative comment has SIX TIMES the impact as a positive one. If you critique or criticize, they’ll carry that thought into the day.
Don’t lecture or sermonize. We like the expression “MAKE it a great day!” That puts a slight onus of responsibility on them.
Probably don’t ‘remind’ them – that usually comes too close to lecturing or sermonizing.
You COULD remind them of their impending greatness!
And try to VARY what you say – make it almost unpredictable – and it’ll have greater impact!
Go for it, you ole motivational speaker!!
Below are two hugely powerful
learnings, prerequisite for your teenager’s success!!
We’re here for one reason
only: to assist you in strengthening your teen’s success. It’s our only purpose.
We don’t say that because you
are inadequate as a parent, but rather to coach your parenting, exactly like any
good SPORTS or ACTING COACH or the like.
We gathered a team of experts who researched and identified
the biggest challenges parents face in growing successful teenagers.
To assist you in coaching the most valuable things your
teenager needs, here are two FREE modules for you and s/he to use and apply:
When you can SEE it, it’s far more motivating!!
Time Management: https://launch-your-life.teachable.com/p/time-management-maximization
Managing time is the first, powerful step toward
And of course, with
questions, email us at CoachSteve@Launch-Your-Life.com.
"Parents [values] in that
college admissions scandal completely missed the mark."
"Young people in today’s
workforce don’t know what to do when they fail – greatly diminishes their value
to their employer."
There’s a great quote from Zig Ziglar,
now-deceased, world-renowned motivational speaker –
often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing, that’s why
we recommend it daily.”
morning, remind yourself that, despite the possible unpleasantness or ‘attitude’ or six other unkind reactions you heard
from them last night, there are hormones pulsing through their bodies that
scientists don’t even fully understand, let alone them – and “invest” a moment in gifting - re-motivating
your teen – with love, respect, belief,
confidence… It will one day pay great rewards – to them and to you.
This year, I had a major revelation:
after believing for 30+ years that I dislike coconut, I tried some – and discovered
– it’s OK!!
My point? For an encyclopedia
of reasons, we make decisions based on what was then fact, or maybe mis-perception
– or lousy cooking. I had a familial
grandmother who made something one Christmas that was horrible! The rest of the world loved it – but not
me. After much urging, years later, I tried
SOMEONE ELSE’S – it was delicious!
Again, my point? I see so
much verbiage these days about teens “finding their thing!” – and “Mom, what if
I don’t find my thing?” They’re actually
Give it a break! Encourage them to try things, NOT like them,
and move on. Or like them and make it a life’s hobby or even a career! I’ve never had any desire to be a hairdresser
– but I’m fascinated by what they do and how they do it!
Be very clear – what you like
now may change TOMORROW! Career statistics
now tell us that the average person may have EIGHT DIFFERENT careers, not just
jobs, in their lifetime.
Encourage your teens to
explore, find out, exceed or ignore their friend’s attempts to influence them
away or even toward something.
Oh, one more thing: don’t always
make it an intellectual exercise [that’s my weakness]. If they didn’t like it! Fine – walk away,
life goes on! No reflection or discussion
As many extremely important
lessons for teens as there are, here’s another great, daily question to build into
your greatest teenager ever: each day, every day, value what he or she has done
– then, ask them to set a new, improved goal.
Could be homework [classes],
sports, their room, family cooperation [boy, that’s a glorious one, isn’t it?]
- whatever your/ his/ her focus could or should be.
(1) First, acknowledge and
compliment what they did recently;
(2) ask them, if they had it to do over, how
they would do it differently or better. [as needed, help them, gently]
Often, you will hear – “nothing,
it was fine.” But remember – like a
long-ago Italian stonemason, you’re building a great cathedral – your teen… And
chipping away the rough edges takes time and patience. Inserting that question
into their thinking may take time, but approached positively, supportively and
regularly, it WILL happen. [believe me, I’ve been there – I was the stone].
Change is possible if not
required!! Enhance it!!
BTW, this question is a
cousin to “what will you do today that you’ll be proud of?”
By engaging him or her toward
THEIR dream goal, EVERYTHING else falls into place:
Experience with MANY teenagers
has SHOWN that, when they’re pursuing THEIR dream goal:
more personally important.
The list could go on – but you
get the idea.
So the challenge becomes –
how to get them to identify and set their DREAM GOAL?
Despite your possible doubt,
it is A FACT that all human beings [including your teen] are inherently motivated.
Are there confounding factors?
Yes. Could be things like hormonal or body chemistry changes or shifts,
emotional swings due to interpersonal or dating issues – which may seem small, small, small to you or me – but to them, their world
hinges on it… And of course, the usual – past habits of minimal motivation, doing
too much for them, giving them too much, etc.
But even those can be overcome by the steps below.
I fully expect that many readers
will say – “yeah, that may be for those other teens – but mine is different.” BUNK. Open
your eyes and your mind.
Basic issue: an underachiever
is someone achieving below their potential.
THEY HAVE POTENTIAL – you simply may not have figured out how to tap it
To get them dreaming, we have
several tools we can share with you – just message me.
Lou Holtz - very
famous football coach, says, “If you’re bored with life [it’s because] – you
don’t get up every morning with a burning desire to do things – you don’t have
Bottom line? NO GOAL, NO GLORY!
LAST THOUGHT: recognize, even
assume – that their dream goal may change.
THAT’S OK. In fact, it’s the
process that’s most important and valuable.
If you read content here that
‘sounds good’ – and you DO NOTHING with it, it’s USELESS.
I’ve been in the “success” field
for 30 years. Know why so many people make so much money in it? BECAUSE PEOPLE DON’T USE IT – so they keep
coming back for more – WHICH THEY DON’T USE!!!
The simplest solution is –
SIMPLY – do something different, no matter how small, every day. Got that? No
matter how small!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ONCE YOU GET IN THE HABIT OF
THAT one micro-step each day – and compliment yourself for it – you will build
momentum AND your own positive expectancy!!
Want to add to it, make it more
powerful? TRACK IT – with a small chart,
on the refrigerator. You don’t have to tell anyone what it is – just a mark –
each day. YOU WILL GROW!
NOW, imagine doing the same
or similar with your teenager! And watch
him/her grow!! It’s GUARANTEED! [you are HERE because you’re trying to better
parent your teen, aren’t you?]
You’ve probably heard all the
“If you do what
you’ve always done, you’ll get what you’ve always gotten.”
doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results!”
“We’re all either
green and growing or ripe and rotting – there’s NO PLATEAU.”
Do something very small –
today, tomorrow - and beyond – and if you’d like, PM me for support or to