We have BAD news and Good news - - -
First, THE BAD
As we hear almost
daily, there’s an ever-increasing number of teenage drug addiction cases,
Addiction SUCCESS is
VERY LOW –
90% (!!!) of drug
rehab clients FAIL or FALL BACK
Success rate is approximately
10% - nationally!
The HUGE cost is not
just $$$$ – it’s HUGE and long-term
strife, aggravation and worry for the family as well as the teen
The effects are
ALWAYS long-term – for life!!
Parents – it’s
time to pay attention
yourself – “maybe others, but not my kid”
PLEASE pay attention
Please go to this
link for signs and indicators:
But there’s GOOD NEWS!!
A positive and preventative strategy!
This is the process we use at Launch-Your-Life.com
- you can use it too:
Steve’s Success Tips of the Week
these in sequence]
1. Brainstorm Dreams
2. Select 1 or 2 as Goals
3. Work toward them DAILY
4. Learn from setbacks
5. Be Persistent– DON’T GIVE UP
if the goal changes, THAT’S OK! [it’s the
goal-pursuit PROCESS that’s the power]
And we are available to speak to parents
and other groups – on this and other teenage success-related topics.
PREVENTING teenage drug addiction - News Challenge 13, WNYT-TV. PLEASE WATCH – IMPORTANT INFORMATION for
parents of teens.
Pride of achievement is THE most
powerful motivator influencing human performance. [for dogs, it’s probably treats or affection.]
Pride of performance is especially
important for teens as they and their self-perception grow. They waver between [believing] they know
everything – against doubting and questioning themselves, their parents and the
world. So building a resilient self-image at this age can only strengthen their
future. How does a parent begin to build
or strengthen their teen’s self-pride?
We usually think of three kinds of
motivation: FEAR, INCENTIVE, and PRIDE of ACHIEVEMENT. Experience and even empirical evidence shows
that Pride of Performance is THE most powerful!! So – let’s use it! [FYI - There are spiritual or Biblical
references to pride as one of seven deadly sins. This is NOT that kind of pride.]
One approach we find that begins
influence motivational initiative is to invite teens to identify one thing they
would take pride in achieving “tomorrow or this week.” “Billy/ Joey/ Bobbi, what ONE thing could you
accomplish this week that you would feel really good about?” Sometimes, you’ll receive a sarcastic reply…
Pause, wait them out – say nothing but don’t walk away. Make it obvious “we’re not done.”
When you get an answer - DO NOT
JUDGE. If it’s important or meaningful
to the person, that’s sufficient. What
also can happen – if or in a group – is that someone else – a peer – may say
“oh, c’mon, Joey, that’s lame, who are you kidding?” And if Joey is sincere, he’ll defend his
goal. And if it IS a weak, limp,
‘minor-league’ goal – he’ll replace it. For
a parent, let it go. DO NOT critique or
judge. They’ll come around soon
Now on to the keys:
As days and weeks continue, invite and
request that they progressively increase what they’re pursuing. As this progression continues, the achiever’s
self-expectation AND self-image strengthens.
And self-image is THE single-most influential, guiding and defining factor in all human
KEEP SCORE! Put up a chart on the wall in which your teen
is asked to WRITE “Yes or No,” achieved or not, or a mark or number – whatever
makes sense. Be absolutely assured that
this is a very effective mode of drawing attention. Basic rule of business which directly applies
here: What gets measured - gets attention!
Can you imagine how motivating it is for
someone to FAIL to achieve the goal they said they were proud of pursuing and
achieving? INEVITABLY, if it truly was
important to them, they will re-commit the next week – and probably the week
after, and so on - and that’s what we’re after!! And here’s where you’ll know you hit a
home run – when they say to you – “I’m gonna bump it up higher this week!”
Try it out, keep score of achievements
and progression – and watch them grow!
Several years ago,
driving to the Outer Banks for vacation, on a Pennsylvania country road, I
stopped at a “four-way stop” intersection [I thought], I saw a car coming on my
right and assumed they would also stop. I
proceeded into the intersection – BAMM!! My mistake – that road did NOT have a
stop sign! L Afterward, I got to thinking of the definition
of “accident.” It’s something you simply did not expect, it ‘came
nowhere’ – you thought you had it covered.
That’s EXACTLY what’s
happening to many of today’s incoming college students. They have the
best academic preparation ever – and yet a disturbing and increasing proportion
ARE FAILING. WHY? [and how about yours?]
Parents today give
their kids the best schools, the
best parenting, the best mentoring, the best tutors – and they still fail!
[certainly not all, but the numbers increase every year: drop-outs or taking 5
or 6 years to complete (a very expensive) 4-year degree, etc. But wait, IT
GETS WORSE: very often, these students haven’t developed the skills and habits
to succeed at a job AFTER graduation! They
don’t know how to undertake and complete projects and tasks, plan, prioritize,
allocate their time - and that’s what employers WANT and NEED!
The critical issue is
that, you, the parent, have very little way to KNOW if they’ll succeed in
college until they’re there!
Take the quick survey
below for immediate feedback! And if you’d like to strengthen
your teen’s success,
even if they’re already strong, consider this:
developing success skills – goal-setting,
self-discipline, self-motivation, planning, time management, rebounding from
setbacks and defeats – are the
core and habits built through the program and process of
Launch-Your-Life.com. Whether your teenage student is weak, average or
strong, developing these skills, knowledge and habits can only IMPROVE their future!!
Connect to Launch.Daily@gmail.com
for further information, respond to this blog, or email us.
Is your teenager poised for success?
1. My teenager starts most days with clear,
specific goals, directed toward some long-term dream goal
2. When my teenager does not achieve a goal - fails’, they find
out WHY – and begin strengthening for the next attempt
3. When my teenager does not
achieve a goal - ‘fails’, they interpret it as a challenge to perform better the next
you scored your teenager as 1’s on all questions, they are solidly poised for
success. If you would like to
strengthen, accelerate and assure their success in college and in life,
Launch-Your-Life will still be a wise investment, to strengthen, assure and
accelerate their future. To learn more,
go here… ____________. [note to self: which page?]
you scored your teenager as a mix of 1’s and 2’s, there’s room for growth. To learn more, go here… ____________. [note to self:
you scored your teenager as a mix of 2’, 3’s and 4’s – they will need to
strengthen their self-management skills to release their true potential and
capacity. Launch-Your-Life can
definitely strengthen and prepare them for an even more successful college and
life career. To learn more, go
here… ____________. [note to self: which page?]
NOTE to parents: if you
scored them as all 2’s, it shows a need for growth and change – otherwise their
real potential will remain partially dormant.
hope for it, wish for it, would do anything to help our teenagers achieve it!
we talk about success, many of us quickly become quite philosophical and say
“It’s not just money.” And of course, that’s right. SUCCESS surely
includes family life, interpersonal relationships, good health - but be assured
that a frustrated, unfulfilled career WILL reverberate, permeate and diminish
first recognize that career success is not simply from knowledge – but rather
if and how that knowledge is USED. If the most skilled surgeon in the
world doesn’t USE those skills, s/he is as average as the rest of us.
- - average? What was Garrison Keilor’s line about Lake Wobegon – “where all the men are handsome and all the
children are above average.”
times, average [or above or below] is defined by an IQ test score.
However, those tests measure and predict only ONE THING: school success.
As soon as a student leaves school, IQ scores become (relatively) meaningless.
We all know countless stories of people who couldn’t read well – or didn’t
possess some other school skill – but who achieved great things in business or
science or entertainment, etc. Henry Ford said he wanted to
surround himself with people smarter than him – and he was clearly very
UNTRUE that everyone’s created equal. We’re not! We each have
differing strengths, weaknesses, talents, shortcomings, etc. We’ve
certainly seen MUCH unexpected talent on TV shows in recent years. So –
one key element is to discover what your child’s talent is.
people (and others) are sometimes cautioned about pursuing a goal for which
they aren’t “talented.” I’d suggest - let’s let him/her pursue that goal, learn what’s needed to achieve
it, see how dedicated or committed s/he is – and regardless of natural talent –
go for it! Worst case scenario is that they’ll learn about
themselves. BEST case? They may become the world’s best musician OR
teacher OR engineer OR coach OR heart surgeon, etc., unless they were guided
away by someone’s well-intentioned advice not to pursue that goal.
Daniel Goleman in his seminal book EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE
documented the fact that the greatest
predictor and driver of success is how one handles defeats – it’s NOT
intelligence, talent, level OR source of education nor genetics. The
deciding trait is whether s/he handles defeat or failure in a non-emotional,
learn-from-this-experience and try again manner.
coming weeks, we will explore how to strengthen and accelerate your child’s
course, please feel free to comment on these thoughts.
future is NOT rosy for an increasing number of college students (maybe even one
you know). Reports show that more and more
have poor self-management skills – self-discipline, self-motivation,
goal-setting, emotional intelligence, time management, etc.
teenager’s college and life success is based far less on academic grades and
learning and even family background than most people expect.
A SOLUTION: Launch-Your-Life (LYL) is a one-on-one success coaching program,
delivered by text message, email, Skype and phone [geography is not an issue]
LYL participant WILL GAIN! Poor, average or excellent, participants WILL
accelerate and strengthen their achievements.
process, leads students to THEIR OWN self-motivated focus on academic success.
MORE, CLICK HERE… Launch-Your-Life.com
process is designed to be enjoyable and rewarding. Students become happier,
more fulfilled, more confident.
works for those who work it. As
participants start to see SUCCESS, they want MORE.
minimal especially compared to costs of college, sports camps, music lessons,
karate, etc. [and college costs will be maximized with their
Daily time commitment is only 8 minutes!
MORE, CLICK HERE… Launch-Your-Life.com
That’s our motto,
That’s our process,
That’s our goal!
We all know that positive reinforcement
– a compliment about something specific – is the most powerful means of shaping
and improving human performance. But who
do we compliment the least?
OURSELVES. Same for our kids! [They
compliment themselves least]. It’s a natural human tendency to critique
ourselves – because we’re the only one(s) who can see inside our heads – and KNOW
when we didn’t give it our full effort
So one of the premises we follow at
Launch-Your-Life is to REVERSE those
self-expectations. A paradigm reversal
such as that can be one of the most powerful learning and memory-cementing
devices there is. Think about that: we remember MOST an experience that was LEAST
Using our model, almost no matter
what a student did or does, we start by saying “That’s Great!” And most of the time, the student’s reaction
is “What?? Huh??” They simply weren’t expecting that response.
This accomplishes a couple
things. First – it gets their attention –
because it was THE LAST thing they expected to hear. So now we’ve got their attention - they’re
listening. It’s up to us to build on
that. Not like Pollyanna or Mary Poppins
– but qualitatively. We point out some
positive aspect or element of what they did - AND THEN, we focus on building
and strengthening their next several, sequential response(s) – which builds positive
expectancy momentum, self-confidence, motivation, all building toward a big and
Recently. I heard a mother say
“I’m the worst helicopter parent – I can’t stop myself…” [I’ve also heard people are tiring of the
term “helicopter parenting.”] So whether
you’re ‘guilty’ of helicopter parenting or not, let’s transcend it– and focus
on STRENGTHENING what a parent can do - - to build achievers, succeeders and
Let’s start here: those notorious IQ tests –the real ones, administered
one-on-one by a licensed psychologist, measure THE SPEED at which people learn,
NOT whether or not they CAN
learn. Take that one step further - when
a student encounters difficulty learning, it simply means the learning may take
more time, not that they CAN’T learn.
And instantly one excellent quote comes to mind: “All things are difficult before they are easy.”
(Thomas Fuller, circa 1650.) So
if your teenager is experiencing difficulty learning – in any field, your role
their progressive steps toward mastery.
And based on the
research findings of Carol Dweck and colleagues – who
found that, when students understand that the ability to learn is NOT finite and
limited – that they are NOT ‘terminally
dumb,’ students CHANGE their perception of “failure.” They realize that a failure is simply a step
along the way to success. And that
directly supports the notion that failure
is a REQUIRED step along the path to success. [The key issue – and this is where parents’
role becomes more valuable – is that the student LEARNS from a failure.] Failure is simply a road sign that says
“we’re not there yet.” Remember those
family road trips when your kids asked, after the first 4 blocks – “are we
there yet?” - Same thing. J
One of the best ways to reverse a
misperception is to hugely alter the expected
paradigm. When a student glumly looks like
– or even says – “I’m so dumb” – or “I worked so hard and failed – I give up” -
you could say something like “you got a D? That’s
At least it wasn’t an F – and you’ve got room to develop and grow. Now how do you think we can do that?”
Or – “you studied a lot for that
chemistry exam – and didn’t get the A
you expected. If you had it to do over,
how would you change your strategy?”
[and DON’T let them off with “I’d study harder.” That’s too global and hence meaningless.]
So the key elements are: (a)
intelligence is NOT limited, and (b) recognizing that failure is just one step
closer to success! [AND you should
throw in – those who don’t fail aren’t even in the game!!]
Your teenager’s success
will be decided by THREE basic, foundational PREREQUISITE building blocks. Without them, s/he is committed to a life of mediocrityL!
And WITH THEM, even
if they’re average in all other areas, they are essentially guaranteed
Here’s why: we believe
that knowledge is power. IT IS NOT! Like a battery, knowledge is potential
power – but it’s useless until and unless it’s connected to something – to
life, as it were! To connect that battery, the three attributes below are the ‘connecting cables’ to success! And as reported by college
officials, far too many college students are significantly lacking in these
Here’s what they NEED to succeed:
stamina and willingness to rebound after a defeat. No
one has ever achieved anything of significance without failing along the road
to success. And if you’ve shielded them
from failures or defeats, they have probably not developed this capacity. [hopefully,
not your teenager.]
suffering a defeat, it’s crucial to LEARN from that setback. REMEMBER - a failure is a mistake you
didn’t learn from. If they keep repeating the same mistake over and over, success
is getting no closer! L
As a parent, it’s OK for you to ‘comfort them’ - “oh, it’ll be OK” – but then
move quickly on to “what did you learn?” This can take time, effort and
exploration. Recognize that it’s overly simplistic and virtually worthless to
say “work harder.” Your student needs specifics:
more of WHAT? Do LESS
of what? Focus on what
specific area or element? And if
they were ‘lazy’ – there’s A REASON they were lazy: didn’t really care, didn’t really
know what or how to it. This is where
you explore, ask, ask, and ask, deeper and deeper.
final prerequisite building block is true and real goal-setting.
Real goals are specific and measurable.
If they aren’t either of those, they aren’t goals. And if they’re not specific and measurable,
you’ll never know if or when you arrived.
The pursuit of goals IS LIFE
– whether family and relationships, business or professional success or
physical health, etc. Goals need to continue THROUGHOUT life!
As we said at the top, if
your teenager possesses and APPLIES these attributes, they WILL SUCCEED. And if they don’t, you can pretty well bet
they will fall short of their true potential throughout all of life.
And your key role as a
parent is to check, assure or help them obtain these traits and habit
patterns. For an assessment tool go to Student
Questionnaire at Get
Started, at Launch-Your-Life.com and
see what you learn! And as needed, please
contact us at Launch-Your-Life.com for further information or guidance! SUCCESS!!